Dear Big Teenage Masters:
Please stop telling Big Momma Master that I am spoiled. Have you spent any time with your Grandma C. and her puppies lately? I do not have as many toys and my dog food is out of a bag and not a can. I think you can see what I mean. And one other thing, I will shake, I will sit and I will even lay down for you, but I will never roll over. Never. I won't ever hunt pheasants, either. This doesn't have anything to do with being spoiled. It's just who I am. Deal with it.
All my love and devotion,
Wilma the humble dog
Dear Cute Little Kid Masters:
You have tasty crumbs around your ears and nose. Hold still and let me lick you. I am a good licker.
Hoping to lick you soon,
Wilma
Dear kitty cats:
Please don't hiss and scratch me when I come over to offer a paw of friendship. I just want to smell you. And lick you. And maybe fetch you. It will be fun. You'll see. Just because it hasn't worked out for other dogs and cats doesn't mean it can't work for us.
Affectionately,
Wilma, the dog who is in touch with her inner kitty and wants you to let her touch your outer kitty
Dear Big Master:
What's up with keeping me off the couch? I know you say that you don't want stinky dog bums on the furniture. But you let other stinky bums sit there. I know. I've sniffed them. I clean my hindquarters at least a million times a day. If one speck of dirt winds up there, boom! I'm right on it. What's it going to take for you to rethink the couch policy? I would be willing to clean myself more often, but hey - I only have one tongue, and I might not be able to clean Cute Little Kid Masters' faces as much. Get back with me on this.
Your clean, cute, loving and clean dog
Wilma, the clean dog
Dear Master with the Good Scent:
Where are you? I check your room every day about 100 times to see if you've come home yet. When Big Momma Master looks at your empty room she makes sad eyes like the cat on Shrek II. So you need to come back home, because no one else but you sneeks me into their room and lets me stay all night. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. But please come back soon.
Missing you,
Wilma, the good secret keeper
Dear Big Momma Master:
You must have a higher intelligence because it's like you can almost understand me! If there is reincarnation, I'm sure you've earned the right to come back as a dog in your next life. Only I see how hard you work at home when your family is gone. You get a lot done in that 1/2 hour before everyone gets back from school. Don't feel guilty about reading books and snuggling with me the rest of the time. Its bad Karma. If you have to feel bad about something, feel bad about blogging. It cuts into our snuggle time.
With love,
Your Wilma
P.S.
Ask Big Master if I could start sitting on the couch now. Think of all the fun we could have snuggling there!
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4 comments:
A+. Now that I've met Wilma, these letters are so much more meaningful! I don't know who was having more fun, Leah & Natalie or Wilma, when I watched them play outside. I just know that Wilma is a keeper!
Wilma you are the baby of that family. Watch out though because I hear Big Good Smelling Master is looking to get a new pup and you will have competition for the right to stay all night in the bedroom.
This is so funny, both Chad and I read it and laughed so hard. You are the greatest. And I am so sorry we didn't come by on Caytee's luncheon day! I feel SO bad. I just went with Chad to Sue's to watch the game and then to the luncheon and I feel terrible that we didn't make it to your place. Please find a place in your heart to forgive me, and we'll visit again I promise! :)
My kids want a dog. Reading this (almost) makes me think it would be fun.
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